Walt Disney presents: additions to classics you never asked for

This has bothered me ever since Disney started doing it, but it only just now it entered my mind again.

For some strange reason Disney thought it was a good idea to rerelease certain old animations and add previously deleted scenes to them. You may wonder why that bothers me so much and the reason is what any old fart would say: now kids today won't know the real deal. Or something of equally less objective value.

Honestly, in the case of The Lion King, where they added a song for Zazu called "The Morning Report", I didn't mind it that much. I understand why the song was originally left out, as it's short and pointless, but it was still catchy as Hell. Too bad Simba's appearance stuck out like a sore thumb, but they did a fair job. It could've been a whole lot worse.

Now, I'm not entirely sure how many old classics they changed when they put them on later video tapes or DVD; the only examples I know of are The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast, which are perhaps the only movies they touched so far, but it's the Beauty and the Beast addition that actually motivated me to write this article.

Just like in The Lion King, they added an originally deleted musical number. Nothing too bad on paper, but this song was longer, it was boring, bland, and our translated version was cursed with this sudden different voice actor for the Beast. I don't know if the English version had a similar problem, but it was just some guy doing his regular voice, not the Beast's voice. I stared at a total mess.
It especially caught me off-guard since this scene popped up on a regular video tape I bought from a thrift store, and nowhere did it say it was the special edition. The cover was identical to my own copy of the movie.
I'm sure my siblings enjoyed my "That didn't happen", "This didn't happen", "What is this", "Holy cow, Beast sounds lame, why" during the entirety of the number, but were probably less bothered by it than I was.

I need a different hobby.

Kingdom Hearts

No idea why I can't center images anymore, but anyway, I had to think about this one for a while, because I fondly remember the first time I played Kingdom Hearts and even now I'm excited for the third installment. For which they still didn't give a release date, but fine, it's not like it didn't take them long enough already.

But after some thought, I have to give in and say that Kingdom Hearts is a badly constructed series.

I was pretty involved with the characters in the first game, but every game that came afterwards shat out more and more characters, more strange explanations, and in the end I found it hard to follow the story. I remember having to go to a Wikia page that explained the whole mess, because the games are just all over the place. How is a preteen supposed to follow all this?
I was so confused by Birth by Sleep, even after playing it 5 times over I didn't understand the deal with Ventus, so I had to look it up. A few written sentences told me more than the game itself.
The titles assigned to the games are far from helpful, and instead of Square Enix giving us games progressing the original story, we get all these portable console games that play off in somewhere in the past or during Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2, usually not starring Sora. I bought most of them, but I haven't played most of them. I feel so demotivated to do so, while it's pretty obvious these games are meant to be played if you want to know what's going on.
But why would you limit yourself by only releasing these crucial pieces of story to portable devices? What's wrong with you.

It's like this series wasn't meant to be a game series; I think it would've worked better as a tv-show. If it wasn't all so dramatic:

Another thing I don't like is all the exaggerated acting in this series, it oozes Square Enix. If they wanted to add drama, I think Disney should've taken the lead on that department, they know better than Square Enix how to balance it out. Sora falling on his knees in front of his long lost friend Riku would've been believable and emotional if Riku wasn't a random low-life villain in the entirety of the first game. I still think his character is weak, and I feel more for Sora trying to get back home to Kairi than finding his dick albino friend. And going back home doesn't seem to be on Sora's list.
Sadly enough, Sora doesn't really talk about wanting to go back home and see his parents, and is unrealistically content with being Goofy and Donald's abducted foster child. I don't think players should be depressed out of their minds, but it's obvious the game series isn't about being happy and cheerful. Sora could've used the character developement and at least lament about his lost childhood and home.
If you're just this goody-two-shoes guy who wants to help everyone, then there's not much to you.

So, well, that's basically the gist of it. I guess the reason Kingdom Hearts 3 still excites me is because it cuts the bullcrap fans have been given for so long and it finally progresses the story it started off with.

Really don't care about the Nobodies, guys.
Also, thanks for cursing Riku, Terra, you son of a Goof.
Hopefully the third game is worth the wait and it will tie everything together.

Smokers who tell you you shouldn't smoke

"But you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for ya."

Go choke in one, hypocrites.

 

Nightcore

Since when did the name "chipmunk" got promoted to the way-more-awesome-sounding but still the same resulting "nightcore"?

The music is made higher pitched, faster paced, it's chipmunk, guys.

"Male/female version" songs at Youtube

With other words: people grabbing existing songs and pitch-shifting them, turning the original singer into the "opposite gender".
Except not really.

Pawn stores

They rip off people without shame and even show off their evil tricks on television. No shame at all.

This article could've been about the questionable realism in shows like "Pawn Stars", but what bothers me more is the fact they're always cheapskating on extremely valuable items. In their personal interviews they're all like "AND THEN I KNEW I HAD TO HAVE THIS ITEM IN MY STORE!", but when the camera cuts back to the guy and the customer negotiating, they're all like "Yeeeaaaaah, I know it's worth 10.000 dollars, but it's going to be so haaaaaard trying to sell it, there's really no interest for it, so I'm offering 200 bucks...".
Either the customer is intelligent and doesn't take the deal, or they're idiots with debts who just want to get whatever they can right that instant and agree to it, and what follows afterwards is the camera cutting back to the salesman going all "Yeah! There's gonna be so much demand for this thing, it's a true treasure for the store!".

What the coo? You JUST told the guy there's no way in Hell you'll get rid of the item, and now it's suddenly the grand hot cake? Just. You son of a bitch.

Don't people watch these shows? Don't they see how these store owners are laughing behind their backs? Why do they still go to these pawn shops with their museum pieces? Are they blind, deaf or overall insane? Do they just want to get on television?
It breaks my heart seeing people get ripped off like this and these store owners, perhaps unknowingly, admitting to it.

Those "I'm fine/broken" posts at Facebook

Well, shucks.
You depressed, poor sweetheart? And you want to attention-whore about it on the internet where everyone can see how super hurt and serious you are? Except forgetting that the people who truly are suffering don't waste their time on the internet, never mind complain about it, or are even alive anymore?

Get lost, you spoiled teenager.

But let me give you a tip before you get lost: how about stop saying "fine" if it's such a big issue.
Don't act so dramatic over something you're doing to yourself; you are the cause of your own cropped up emotions, not others. Say "I'm not fine and here's why.." or go to therapy if something in your brain prevents you from explaining yourself.

Except you are apparently able to explain yourself, otherwise these moronic images wouldn't exist, where you explain yourself.

Pewdiepie's fame

Even though I do not find badly constructed, inaudible sentences and random screaming to be entertaining, it's not hard to see that Pewdiepie is a decent person. He simply did his thing and happened to get shared on the internet and become the Youtube celebrity he is now.
That's not something he constructed himself.

Having that said, I cannot speak ill about the boy, I'm not even sure if I can speak ill about the people who like him. But I will say that his fame upsets me greatly, because I've been in all corners of Youtube and have seen way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way more talented and funny people do the same thing. Before him. And haven't we all.
But well, all of us "jealous people" just have to realise that there aren't that many internet users who visit those corners and know about these people. I bet that 80% of Pewdiepie fans have Pewdiepie set up as their only gameplay channel and as the authority on gaming. A good example of that being his fans going to other gameplayers solely for the purpose of bashing them to Hell for daring to play the same game Pewdiepie has played, not knowing that every single gameplay channel on Youtube plays the games that are most hyped as a way to stay up-to-date. That's what they do. They don't do it to rip off someone else.

Pewdiepie certainly deserves to have watchers, but him being on first place of all this shit, that's something that's hard to swallow.

Always blaming the parents

If you happen to watch Dr. Phil or similar shows alot, you will always hear them blame the parents for the rotten behaviour of their child. Same case when people review other people's families on the internet.

Sure, there are those instances where you can do nothing but agree that the way the parents treat their child is only feeding their arrogance, like buying that car for them when they stomp their feet loud enough, but I'm not sure how parents loving their child too much turns them into a rebellious drug- and sex addict from the beginning on. Even when you have drill sergeant-parents, the same conclusion gets drawn and it's still/again the parents' fault.

So. When is it not their fault?
If being a caring parent turns your child into shit, if being an evil parent turns your child into shit, if letting them do their thing turns them into shit, if being controlling over them turns them into shit, what won't turn a child into shit?

Is it possible, just maybe, that the child itself is simply shit?

People who get offended over words.

"Retard", "nigger" and "faggot", no longer allowed for teh lulz.

"Motherfucker" still is, though, since that's not offensive towards mothers at all.

When a popular song won't sod off

A song gets popular, and then it's the only thing you'll hear on the radio, in commercials, trailers, tv-shows; just stop making people hate what was once fine.

Why is the media unable to be moderate?

Stores that use Ebay

Or similar sites.

It's like television shows putting all their stuff on Youtube. It's cute and all, but these sites were made for common people. What are these stores doing, they already have their own website and actual stores throughout the world.

Stop trying to compete against the common man, aren't you rich enough already.

Racist idolisation

Strange title, but I wasn't sure what else to call it.

When watching television talent shows, going back to those again, the chance you'll hear a young black girl sing a song from Beyonce and a young black boy a song from Michael Jackson is...100%.
And yesterday I saw two different black people on television hoping they got to meet either Beyonce or Will Smith.

Just what the coo. Why do all these African Americans only have black idols? Why do they only want to be like another black person? Why do they only sing songs from other black people? It's always Beyonce this, Beyonce that, Beyonce is my idol, I wanna be like Beyonce when I grow up, etc etc.

It's getting ridiculous.
Does nobody like Macklemore? Is he too radiant white?

Receiving a second chance isn't your right

Much like my article about not having to forgive the one who did you wrong, I also don't think people always deserve a second chance.

I often think this of people who cheat on someone; the act of consciously jumping into someone else's arms and getting it on is not something you can do on accident in 3 seconds. You chose to cheat on your partner and you went on with it. All the way. How is it still a mistake at that point. What makes you think you deserve a second chance. What makes you think you won't do it again.

Go get your second chance with someone else.

Sex until marriage

Looks like I decided on a theme this month.

I fully respect the idea of people not jumping in the bed together after knowing each other for only one hour, or even a year, but it's the marriage aspect that bothers me.

Marriage is like a relationship you can't comfortably leave when things are going to shit. It's a relationship with a lock on it and someone else has the key, and asking for that key can be awkward or impossible. Some don't always ask for that key.
Maybe that's why some couples turn so unpleasant the moment they are married; because this idea creates stress in their underbellies that will grow bigger every time they end up in an argument with their spouse. Every fight pushes them closer towards the thought "We're fighting again and I married this person, oh God, was it a mistake?".
You're less worried about the present and the future if you have a simple girlfriend/boyfriend status, without any papers and rings chainballing you to that other person. If I may describe it that way.

Of course, I won't just throw dirt at the concept, this is obviously my view on the issue. There are enough people who want this and have a successful contract with each other.
But I am talking about this because sex is a very private and intimate act between two people, and like dating, it helps you determine if your partner is truly suitable to do that which takes your relationship to the highest level: marriage.

Nothing sucks more than marrying a person who is shit in bed, or marrying a person who happens to have fetishes or preferences you cannot find yourself in. Intercourse teaches you more about another person, and waiting to discover something you won't be happy with after you're already "chainballed" to someone, making you more anxious to leave, but less motivated to do so as you've already paid for the party and played the game in front of all your friends and family, makes for a sad life.
The person you watch a movie with is different from who you share the bed with. Otherwise you should consider every one of your friends or siblings for marriage.

And then there's also the issue that the rule gets misused, because really, it's only thought up by worried religious parents who want to put a leash on teenagers following their hormones. These young people will simply get married for the sole purpose of intercourse and then get divorced again, because the person they found sexually attractive was nothing but sexually attractive to them.

Disney relationships with a realistic ending.

Breaking up over not wanting to get married

Spoilers: marriage is not important in any way.

Some time ago its purpose was to sell off your children, with marriage basically being the receipt of purchase, but now it's pure symbolism and without any real, objective value.
While many would perhaps argue that it's "proof of real love" or something really idiotic like that, it's not. Love is proof of love, not an overpriced stressful party.

If you'd ditch the love of your life over something like this, then you are a bad person.
I am not exaggerating.
You are a bad person without priorities.
Boo for you.

Open marriages

Let's get married, but fuck our brains out with whoever we like.
What is the point of getting married, then.

P.S. Don't let homosexuals get married, because marriage is so super-sacred, as we can see. Lol.

Kanye West

What a childish, moronic, arrogant, Beyonce ass-kisser.
Eat a fire truck, Kanye.

This Nalys Expert commercial:

Shit.

The fact people have to die in order to get respect

Some time ago Robin Williams killed himself.

People are appalled by the word "suicide", and since Robin Williams was such a great guy, no sarcasm here, they don't even want to face the facts and realize he killed himself. They're all saying "he died of depression". Okey then. How about being adults for once and accept Robin Williams did, in fact, kill himself, to which he had all the right to do so. It does not make him less of a person; he felt enough sorrow to be motivated to do this. Apparently the love for his family and friends or his fame did not silence his inner struggles. It's too bad, but this is the truth.

But his death made me remember an inner discussion I often had with myself in the past, about how the media responds to the death of famous people.
When Robin died, I was genuinely sad and that was strange, as I can't consider myself a Robin Williams fan. I've seen only 3 of his movies and his role in Aladdin was not part of my childhood, as I grew up with my own language and thus different voice actors singing the Disney songs. I always thought our Genie was funnier as well.
But Robin Williams was one of those celebrities I never heard crap about on the news, and maybe that's why I grieved. He stayed out of the news and out of trouble, therefore he stayed good in my book.

Unlike Michael Jackson, for example.
Artists tend to get glorified after their death; suddenly Micheal Jackson wasn't a childish pedofilic zombie creep, suddenly Elvis Presley wasn't a fat wife beater, suddenly Whitney Houston wasn't an addicted one-hit-artist everyone forgot about years ago.
Their deaths meant returning sales and sudden tributes, and it's a sad thing that not only does nobody mention the shit these artists got the day before ever again, but stores are squeezing millions out of their dead corpses, without shame.

Are dead people suddenly good because they're dead? Are dead people only good because they're dead?

Musical performances at talkshows

By far the most boring part any talkshow has to offer, and unless it's Sia or Lady Gaga performing, you know they're just trying to show off some artist or band no one cares about and never heard of.
Because really, the songs they play are hardly ever good.

Marley & Me

I despise this movie. Nothing but pure hatred for this overhyped piece of trash.
It's been a long time since I last saw it, but I'll share whatever I still remember.

Not only did Marley & Me trick people by making them think this is a brilliant comedy about a guy and his shitty dog, like the trailer made me believe, but the unadvertised drama that ruled most of the movie was just beyond shitty. It wasn't clever, it was just painful.

This movie was not about a man and his dog, but about a man and Rachel from Friends fighting and screaming at each other. There was only one funny scene in the entire movie, and that was the dog training scene, but the next time you see any decent focus being put on the dog, it's when he's dying.

I was expecting to see more of the character/dog mentioned in the title, not these two characters going at it in a way that makes you feel just as comfortable as experiencing an actual fight between your parents.

Poor people lacking priority

There's nothing to like about people who lack priority in general, but if you claim to be short on cash, why do you still buy cigarettes and go to the barber every week.

I'm not even kidding about this; coming from a poor family, and as kind finds kind, me and my mother often met other "poor" people, but then discover these jokers could be living the lazy, golden life if they'd just stop paying for what they'd find "normal".

You don't need cigarettes. You don't need beer. You don't need a tattoo. You don't need a new TV. You don't need a new phone. Stop feeding your children chocolate bars. You can't afford to be a vegetarian, why are you doing this.

You know who you are.

Blowjobs

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The idea nearly every person drank, smoked or used drugs in their life

I'm so prudish.

I can't explain why I don't like it. Maybe because I don't do it, never had the urge to do it, and am always the black, lonely sheep at parties. People look at me like I'm an unicorn when I don't want to partake in drinking beer or smoking weed with them

Are human beings unable not to do either one of these things? Am I the one who isn't "normal"?

Shallow Hals

People with high standards who demand other people to lower theirs, concerning dating.

I didn't think it appeared that often, but apparently there are alot of people, not good looking people, who demand from their pretty opposite gender to lower their standards and date them. "Give them a chance", as they would call it. 
And only the pretty men and women have to do this, as these people are not even willing to give less attractive men or women a chance themselves.

That is amazingly hypocrite.

While we try to teach our society that it's the inside what matters, we still have to realise that it's the outside that draws the attention. Not because humans are shallow, but simply because it's part of human nature. Whether we like it or not, first impression matters, unless you get stuck in a situation that forces you to get to know someone you wouldn't even give a second of your time in any other situation. And that does happen today, through match makers for example, and it's effective.

Having that said, perhaps it is the inside of these people that truly turns off others.

Those "Draw It Again" drawings at Deviantart

At Deviantart there is this small fad going on where people take one of their older artpieces and redraw them. It's a fad that never went away, because it is quite fun to do, if you're not just doing it to show off.

But what bothers me more is that often enough the new art piece hardly looks anything like the old one. Isn't it the point you just change the style? Not the pose, or add more necklaces and ribbons? When I look at these redrawn images I can't help but think "well, that was overdone".

Sometimes it backfires as well; when the old artwork still looks better than the new and "improved" one.

Staying unredeemable in one's eyes

Everyone encounters people that don't like them no matter what they do, or ends up in situations where you state your opinion about something, but no matter the response, the other person always has their snark ready to release upon you.

A great example is discussions about children. Just imagine you having a dramatic conversation about children with someone, probably someone who has children, and at one point this person could ask you "Do you have kids"? And you can answer honestly and say:

1. "Yes, I do", and receive the response "THEN YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, GODDAMNIT!";
2. or "No, I don't", and receive the response "THEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, GODDAMNIT!".

See how you can never win.

Headbands for female babies

 

It's a girl, we get it.

People who say "ramen" instead of "noodles"

Why so Japanese.

Man's obsession with female virgins

It really shows how stupid and simple-minded humanity is. How can there still be people who don't think we're related to apes when we have this kind of nonsense.
Disgusting.

Sequels

A sequel is the follow-up to a movie, often on popular demand, but if we had to take every sequel seriously, then that would mean that the lives of the main characters is such a clusterfuck, we have to wonder why they didn't kill themselves already just to escape their karma-filled existence.

So much shit is going down in every movie, it makes the lives of the people involved look like a neverending mess; af if not a day passes without some horror going down. It makes the summarized story look nothing more but a teenager's fanfiction, but we accept it, because the shit's divided over multiple movies.
Harry Potter being one of those fictional people who should've ended up a mental patient at the end of the movie, instead he married a little ginger girl.

Even so, sequels are rarely better or just as good at the first original, the second Shrek movie being one of those few exceptions. But is that because the sequels are indeed worse, or do we unconsciously know these extensions of the main story are unnecessary?

People who upload practice art at Deviantart

I don't care about how you practiced to draw a man's back or a wolf's paw from every angle and position possible.

Songs that bash the other gender

You're allowed to be upset your relationship has ended and to write a song about it in response, but why clutter all men or women together and complain about them as a whole?

No woman no cry.