Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show

I've had multiple conversations about the movie with other fans over the course of time, so I guess I should just go ahead and document my thoughts for once and for all.
This movie didn't even upset me, per se, but I'll probably end up raging, anyway.

Intro

As a fan, your expectations tend to be higher than anybody else's, but I can't say I had any expectations to begin with. While other fans were busy speculating, I just kept quiet and waited for the movie to come.
It was a missed opportunity for me to crap out some relevant artwork; but as I noticed with my first designs of Eddy's brother, this kind of fanart will only look silly and outdated in the future, so I skipped on that.
I'm still surprised at how different Eddy's brother looked in the end, though; I did my best to mimic a framed picture from the tv-show I thought to be Eddy's brother's head, but the "real thing" looked nothing like it. Weird.

Anyway, even though I didn't bother to show much interest in the upcoming movie, I was eager to see it ever since it was announced. The movie was going to introduce a new, adult character, we'd get to know Nazz' love interest (I didn't know anyone cared, but fine), and the secret of what is under Edd's hat would finally be revealed.

Except not.

Edd's hat
While it was probably for the best not to reveal anything, it was also probably for the best not to promise anything.

I remember Danny Antonucci's words loud and clear in that interview; he was going to reveal Edd's secret in "the movie" and we had to wait for it. But from what I understood, he was now worried he couldn't deliver, as people made up so many crap theories of their own over the years, fans would probably just get disappointed by his reveal.
So, the movie gave us zero. We still don't know what is under that hat of his, and Antonucci might not even bothered to design anything.

Nazz and Kevin
For quite some time people guessed Edd was Nazz' secret love interest, and I'm not surprised by that. But "alas":
In the movie Nazz suddenly got this fangirl-crush on Kevin she never showed before, while Kevin, who had a fangirl-crush on Nazz in the series, had his brain removed and didn't respond to any of her obvious flirting attempts. Instead, he was busy humping his bike in the saddle hole the entire movie long.
It was a lame soap opera. This side-story had no reason to exist.

I can't say I'm impressed by Antonucci's choice to pair up the cheerleader with the jock, but I guess I'm also happy they didn't decide to give Edd all the girls of the show. Nevertheless, I would've liked to know why Nazz only just now decided to show her feelings towards Kevin.
Nazz and Kevin walked together multiple times in the show, and they've been alone before, Nazz certainly had better moments to pick from to flirt with Kevin.
I guess being nearly killed and chasing three scared kids through the wilderness turns her on.

Everything we learned about Nazz and Kevin from the series concerning each other was discarded in the movie. As much Kevin loves his bike, I'm pretty sure he loves Nazz more.
Their scenes were painful, unfunny, and this whole failed romance story doesn't even have a conclusion. It just sorta ends and nobody talks about it anymore.

Plot

The basic plot of the movie is about Ed, Edd and Eddy having done something horrible, never mind all the other times their scams went wrong, and as the other children are out for blood, the Eds decide to run away to Eddy's brother for protection.

I can't really say there's anything wrong with the plot. In fact, I think it's one of the better cartoon movie plots out there. Nothing really strange or supernatural happens, just three friends on a journey.

Animation
The animation is superb, while it looks overdone at some points. The way Eddy moves in certain scenes is really over-the-top, as if we needed to be reminded he's a cartoon character.
But it is like the show's, they didn't try to make it prettier or add more effects just because it's a feature movie. I'm happy about that.

Music
Ugh.
I believe it has been mentioned that the team ran out of time at one point, because they had wasted too much time and money storyboarding scenes they weren't going to use in the end anyway, but I'm not accepting that as an excuse for their lazy background music.

The background music is its recognizable cheery self, and you'd think that's a good thing, but the standard, upbeat jazzy sounds actually destroyed some very important scenes.
There is some serious drama in this movie; and one situation in particular could've been brilliant, but it got completely raped by the comedic jazzy tunes that played in the background.

WHAT'S THAT? ED AND EDDY DIED? OH, BACKGROUND MUSIC, SAY IT ISN'T SO!
*silly sax*
OH. THANKS.

You can feel it in the animation and in the facial expressions of the characters that these scenes were supposed to be something more, but the friggen music pretty much spoils whatever's going to happen next. It does not take the movie seriously and it does not allow for drama.

I was very disappointed that this movie did not make me cry. It had the chance to.

Characters
In general the characters are familiar, never mind the issue with Nazz and Kevin, but there were two people in particular that caught my attention.
The first one being Jonny.

Jonny was by far the biggest waste of space in this movie, and the way they portrayed him was really unfair.
While people tend to choose the "least ugly" character as their favourite, everyone forgets how funny Jonny actually is. Having that said, him being turned from an innocent comedian into a background villain was just insulting to his character.
He had alot of potential, but instead he gets but a small part in the movie and gets beaten up by everybody after the movie's climax.
Jonny is pretty much the 4th Ed, so why are the Eds being paraded away while he is left to die alone in a cave with a pumpin on his head and a piece of wood as only company? The movie made me care nothing for Jonny.

But there is another character I feel like he didn't got what he deserved.

I can't deny that Ed had less and less to say as the series progressed, but in the movie, in his own movie, he was mainly just strolling along in the background. If he did anything at all, he did it with Eddy. Ed pretty much had no real personality anymore and was just there to say semi-funny lines.

Now, someone once defended Ed by saying he was important because he is the one who "saves" Eddy from his brother. Well, way to go, he removed a bolt. But the moment that 5 second scene is over, it again cuts to Edd and Eddy to make room for another homoerotic scene, and Ed is nowhere to be found.
You'd think the moment where Eddy tells the truth about himself would be important enough for Ed to join the screen, but no, just Eddy's butt-buddy Double D shows up to hold his hands, so only their queer eyes can meet.
Can't have smelly, ugly Ed ruin that for us.

While I missed an appropriate response from the Kankers in that scene, I'm pretty sure they would've kicked Eddy's brother in the balls eventually; we didn't really need Ed to do anything, just so he "appears" important at the last minute. 
He had no real dialogue all throughout the movie, and given the situations they got into, I'm surprised the crew couldn't manage to make Ed act more serious for a change.

Unnecessary slash fuel

As noticed in what I wrote earlier, there are quite some dubious scenes going on between Edd and Eddy. Probably because there appear to be EddxEddy fangirls in the animation crew itself; and that fact alone is the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Personally, I would've liked some animators who could seperate bullshit from business, but Antonucci is apparently fine with it. Not much else to say about that.

Obviously I wouldn't complain if Antonucci confirmed our dearest Edd and Eddy to be homosexual for each other, but as far I'm concerned, both boys have the hots for Nazz and Eddy likes magazines that includes female breasts.
So why. Why would you give the worst kind of fans this "gift"? I have no respect for this terrible storyboard decision.

And you know what?
I would've liked Nazz to love Eddy as a nice plot twist.
I would've liked more serious background music.
I would've liked to know Edd's secret.
I would've liked a romance between the Eds and the Kankers.
Where is my "gift"?

Am I not a good enough fan? Am I not loud, obnoxious and disgusting enough to get noticed? Are the fans who share my opinion not interesting enough? Is our opinion not interesting enough?
Too afraid to show what is under Edd's hat, but not too afraid to fill this movie and your series with gay undertones? What's this for upside-down world we're living in.

If you were going to make Edd and Eddy googly-eye each other without the intention to do what you just did, why not have Kevin and Rolf eyeball each other while you're at it. Or Sarah and Jonny. Or Jimmy and May. Or Nazz and Marie. Or anything equally stupid and enraging.

Conclusion
What can I say. I wasn't exactly blown away by this movie, obviously, and as a fan I wouldn't recommend it to another fan. Unless that fan was an EddxEddy supporter.
I don't remember the movie making me laugh or cry, I just remember feeling indifferent. At most I felt annoyed and rolled my eyes at the gay tension between Edd and Eddy, the failed Nazz and Kevin romance, and the replacement scene they animated for Edd's hatless appearance.

But really, the thing I feared to fail actually turned out to be the best thing in the movie: Eddy's brother.